Life After The Death of Our Child Paperback – June 20, 2016

By Allison SovaReview of “Life After the Death of Our Child”, I have known Terrie for many years, we met online, we became immediate friends, talked, messaged, exchanged Christmas cards. We talked about the death of her son Andrew; I did not ask a lot of questions, just listened.It was not till a few months ago that she posted on Facebook some pages of her journals, that I had no idea she had been writing for years. I was so touched, and amazed at the courage she displayed of sharing her and her husband’s journey over the years of such difficult and emotional times.Yet she never told me she was writing this book, and as soon as she told me, I ordered it. Anticipating the arrival, yet when it arrived, I was hesitant to start reading, not knowing how I would feel. I sent Terrie an email expressing my apprehension, she responded with” yes it is sad, when you lose your child but it is also about the Oxtal family, the love and journey that they travelled to healing, and in hopes of sharing it could help others”.The greatest gift god can give us is a child, and the most unimaginable and devastating could be that you lose this wonderful gift. There are no words to explain the emotional thoughts running through my mind and heart as I read her book. I felt as if I was walking her journey with her, her ability to tell her story was vivid, detailed, fascinating and eloquently written. I envisioned myself in North Carolina, with her family, having coffee on the porch, and sharing the love this family has.The tragic day Andrew lost his life due to medical/hospital negligence I was feeling as if I was in Terrie’s soul, from being overwhelmed with the loss, to those in her home offering condolences, to feeling sick, and her anxiety, her sadness touched me deeply.As I continued to read, she took me on a very long journey of mourning, healing, praying, enjoying family, describing Andrew as if I knew him personally. I realized that their decision to move to New Jersey for a while, and how she would describe how she felt, and how she could see how her husband Doug had been grieving so differently, but they both accepted and supported each other was amazing. I felt as if I was with her as she and Doug sat on a bench at the beach, putting up wall boarder in her little kitchen apartment, and how she went on each day not knowing what was next, always feeling the loss, the pain.When Doug told Terrie it is time to go home to North Carolina, she agreed, the years that were spent back in North Carolina, the memories of Andrew, but also family, children, grandchildren visiting. Her description of the home, the land, the family gatherings, always having an empty chair, but through it all they had created more memories, always letting their grandchildren know about Andrew, as well as others. The description of their country home, enriched with loving memories, happy times, growth, and moving forward was exceptionally descriptive!Yet the memories, ah the memories she details in her book, that made me laugh, smile, feel as if I was there with her. Her writings to her son are touching, and you could tell this was so important to help her heal. The feathers! I will never look at feathers as just feathers, but a sign, a gift, from heaven, and an angel named Andrew.So often families after such a loss become fragmented, distant, divorced, yet the Oxtal’s can show us that love, allowing each other to mourn, and address the loss of their son, brother, uncle, all grieve in different ways. , The acceptance on how each one grieves, deals day to day with this tragedy, yet is there to support each other, with kind and loving gestures, tissues, chatting of the wonderful memories of Andrew. Spoke volumes as to how as slow as life might move at times, the support, love and understanding of family and friends can significantly help keep families together!This book is captivating and I highly recommend it to all who have felt the loss of a child, a loved one, and for those that want a good read to remember each day is a gift, and to appreciate what you have, and be thankful for family, love, and want to live each day with grace and gratitude.There were times in this book that Terrie felt that people felt she should move on, we all move on in situations differently. You can never judge a bereaved mother, they come in many forms, and they breathe, but feel as if they are dying inside. They may look to those that they are fine, after all they look good, they are smiling, cooking, cleaning, yet their heart sobs and part of them is elsewhere in eternity.

I found this book as a LOVING tribute to Andy. It was truly heartbreaking reading it. I'm sure there are many families who face the tragedy of losing a beloved son or daughter due to some senseless negligence of a doctor, surgeon, nurse, etc.. As the saying goes, time heals all, but the loss of a child never heals. With Terrie and Doug and Andy's siblings they had 18 years of his love and MANY GOOD memories of him. Terrie will keep Andy alive and the good times they had until they all meet again. Love the cover on the book. I think as so many other people do that when you find a feather that it is a sign from a loved one in Heaven. It is something to believe in. I'm sure you cried many a tear while writing each memory and keeping Andy alive by telling him of all the things his family was doing and how much they loved him (and still do). Terrie you are a very COURAGEOUS and loving mother. I wish I had an autographed copy of your book.

I love this book. Tissues needed, I cried along reading it. This book tells the journey of Terrie and Doug after the sudden loss of their son, Andrew. I would recommend anyone to read this book. Even if you are not presently dealing with grief, this book will move you and remind you of what really matters in your life. Cherish the memories of your loved one.Amazing, the strong loving relationship of Terrie and her husband Doug. They helped, supported each other throughout.Missing Andrew was heartbreaking for Terrie, but through writing to Andrew which i think is a good way to healing, keeping his memory very much alive.Terrie, you will never forget. He is your son and always will be. The spirit of Andrew had been and will always be sharing a wonderful journey with you.Thank you for sharing this with me. Andrew is so proud of you to write a book. So do I.

This book is a must read. It is a bitter sweet true story of a Mother who lost her son. In my opinion there wasn't enough attention given In the ambulance they did not check vitals & when checking in to the hospital In my opinion he did not receive proper care. Andrew was a handsome young man. His life was just starting. Upon leaving the hospital all she took home was his jacket.Terrie Oxtal is a strong woman who loves her family dearly. She's going on with her life with a missing link and a whole in her heart. Andrew is , im sure, very proud of his mother for writing this book. If you've lost a child please buy n read this book.. It will help anyone who has lost a child and is having trouble coping with the lose.This review was written by Mary Marotta

I loved the book. I'm also a mother who lost a child to death. As I read this book I could see myself in their same situation. I personally know Terri and Doug but had lost contact with them for many years. I wasn't around for their time of need. This story made me cry because I could relate to the pain they felt. I would definatly recommend that everyone read this book. It will help them understand the loss of any child and help them understand the way each and everyone deals with their loss. Help them see how everyone grieves in their own way. Thank you Terri, for now I know I wasn't crazy for all my thoughts in my time of grief. Please read this. Dolores Spontak

If you have ever lost a loved one and didn't know how to handle it, you experienced several emotions over time until you learned how to accept your loss. Terrie has conveyed those emotions through years of journals from the day they lost their son to current day. I have never read a book that laid out the authors raw emotions and feelings as well as this. I became part of her family and it reminded me of what I went through when I lost my mom. Terrie helped me understand how she grieved the loss of her son and how it changed her and her husbands lives forever..I feel the book is well written, easy to read and understand, and most definitely a worthwhile read. Kudos Terrie!