I Didn’t Sign Up for This: A Couples Therapist Shares Real-Life Stories of Breaking Patterns and Finding Joy in Relationships . . . Including Her Own Paperback – 12 Sept. 2023

In this memoir/self-help book, therapist Dr Tracy Dalgliesh offers insights from her experiences as a couples counsellor, using a small number of case studies (including her own marriage) to illustrate some of the common issues that crop up in long-term relationships.Personally, I found something familiar in nearly all of the examples discussed, including the sections relating to the author’s own relationship challenges, but then that’s probably unsurprising as I have been married for nearly thirteen years now and the issues explored are definitely common stumbling blocks, even if to a lesser extent than for the couples exemplified here. I highlighted large chunks of the book to share and discuss with my husband and to re-read for my own improvement!While none of the issues discussed or the tips and solutions presented were new to me – I regularly read relationship books as I am a fan of both continuous development and reading generally! – something in the book certainly resonated with me and had an immediate positive, practical effect on me and my own relationship. I found I could stand back from my usual self-righteous positions of accusation, blame and judgement and look instead to my own behaviour and how I could bring a better self to my marriage by working on my own issues and taking more accountability for my part in any conflicts that arose. Not only did marital communication and harmony improve, but the drive for self-improvement stuck and encouraged me to re-spark some joy in my life (e.g. picking up my long-silent guitar), which I found then spread to the rest of my household naturally.Plus, the anecdotes were interesting and alternating between the different couples for each chapter kept me eagerly reading to find out what would develop between them: would the over-spending continue, or the dismissive attitude towards a partner’s feelings? Would they stay together and keep trying, or decide to move on separately? Can a relationship still be saved once crisis point is reached for one or both partners? Obviously you will have to read the book yourself to find out – I’m not going to spoil it for you, especially as there is so much good advice to uncover between the stories.I have always been a proponent of individual and couples counselling, even for those who aren’t facing large life problems, and now I will be recommending this book to everyone too!

I follow her on social media already so had an idea of what I was purchasing. Lots of stories with insight and suggestions in an easy to read conversational text, plus her own story adds value and relatability.

Opens your eyes to both sides of the relationship, helps understand perspectives that are often missed. Easy read, good for both partners!

I highly recommend this book if you’re seeking comfort/guidance in your relationship!

This book is an invaluable resource for those looking to break free from negative patterns and build a foundation for a strong, interdependent relationship. Dr. Tracy helps to make complex theories of relationship dynamics accessible and actionable.She masterfully intertwines evidence-based strategies from emotionally-focused therapy, Gottman's insights, and principles from attachment theory into a framework that guides readers towards deepen connections and foster secure partnerships.What makes this book stand out is its empathetic tone and shame-busting approach, effectively normalizing the challenges many couples face.Through real-life examples from five couples not only bring the principles to life but also reassure us that we're not alone in our struggles. Its clear path, grounded in proven practices, not only demystifies but also destigmatizes the common struggles, encouraging open dialogue and a deeper bond between partners. I recommend this book!

Great read