9 Things You Simply Must Do to Succeed in Love and Life: A Psychologist Learns from His Patients What Really Works and What Doesn't

Dr. Henry Cloud is a clinical psychologist, radio program host, business coach, successful businessman, and author of several best selling books on self-help and spiritual matters. In this book, Nine Things you Must Simply Do To Succeed in Love and Life, Cloud draws upon his experience working with highly successful people to identify nine principles that contribute to the successes these individuals experience. Cloud refers to successful people with the term "déjà vu" because these nine characteristics show up in one way or another and brings him a since of "I've seen this before somewhere."The nine characteristics that Dr. Cloud has identified as essential in creating a life of success are summed up as follows:1. Dig it up: Pay attention to the hidden things of the heart and deal with them appropriately. This could refer to treasures which need to be cared for, such as desires, talents, and goals, or it could refer to trash which are things that should be dealt with rather than burying.2. Pull the tooth: Get rid of those things that bring you down and stump your growth. This could be manifested as habits, attitudes, relationships, or behaviors that do not serve you or your life purpose. Déjà vu people discard these as quickly as possible.3. Play the movie: Make it a habit to consider the future as a result of all your actions. Be aware of possible consequences to everything you do or do not do.4. Do something: Déjà vu people are action oriented rather than waiting for something to happen or to sit about and complain. They take full responsibility for their lives.5. Act like an ant: Always be moving toward your goal even if it is one grain of sand at a time. Do not look at goals as the whole, but as do-able steps.6. Hate well: Hate is a natural part of being a human, however, déjà vu people know how to objectify their hate and use it to heal and correct rather than to destroy and break down.7. Don't play fair: Do not live a life of tit for tat. Do not repay evil for evil. Instead, live by the golden rule and seek to bring about the higher order rather than giving back what is deserved.8. Be humble: Strive to see feedback as a gift and do not take it offensively. Never feel that you are better than you are or better than anyone else. Déjà vu people are teachable.9. Upset the right people: Do not be confined to making decisions based on how it will affect people around you. Be concerned about their feelings but do not allow it to add weight to your decision to do what is best.Nine Things You Must Simply Do to be Successful in Love and Life is a "how to" manual on living a victorious life. Dr. Cloud encourages healthy doses of love and wisdom to guide our interactions with others as well as with ourselves.

You really have to read this book to find out the 9 things that leadership consultant and psychologist Henry Cloud thinks are important to being successful in life - in all dimensions, not just financially, which is how we usually interpret the word "success." Cloud explores the characteristics, pokes at them, supports them in the psalms and gospels, links them with each other, and most helpfully, makes them personally applicable for readers. One annoying quibble for me was his labeling them "déjà vu" characteristics, meaning they became familiar to him because he saw them in many successful, positive people. But déjà vu is subjective; what's familiar to me because I've seen it before is not déjà vu to you. That said, his 9 things are sound guides and well worth your reflection. Based on Cloud's sometimes quirky descriptors, the 9 things are: 1) Real life comes from deep within, not from without. The work you want to do and the creations you want to bring to life are within you; dig in and find them. Be internally driven, not externally pulled. 2) The negative in your life, big and small - get rid of it. 3) Look at the potential consequences of what you are going to do, script and "play the movie," he calls it, and base your decisions on what the future consequences may be. 4) Do something, take responsibility, life responsibility. Make the center of control within you. Wherever possible, in things big and small, try to make the situation better. 5) Look at ants, carrying one grain of sand at a time. Take small steps. Judge yourself not according to your goals but according to the steps you take to achieve the goal. 6) Hate well; good hating protects us, the good values we cherish, and the good in the world just as our immune system protects against poisons. Hate in a constructive way that solves problems instead of creating them. 7) Give more than you get. Don't "play fair." Don't keep account books; demanding fee for service, good for good, ill for ill will destroy relationships. 8) Be humble. Accept failure when it happens. Humility is not needing to be more than you are. 9) Upset the right people. You can't please all of the people all of the time. / Because reading a list doesn't do this analysis justice, read the book.

Years ago I read a book called Trust Your Vibes by Sonia Choquette, and some things about 9 Things reminded me of that book, especially the parts on goal setting (following your heart), having clear boundaries, and being engaged in relationships. This book was a great reminder to do all of the above-mentioned. One thing that I've never heard before (and I hope I don't spoil this for anyone, please look away to avoid the spoiler) is that hate can be good - if used appropriately. I innately knew this, but when I would go to church or hang out with Christian friends, I was always basically told to stuff my feelings and be a doormat. I don't go to church anymore, and I rarely hang out with those friends; that advice just wasn't practical, neither did it make sense, neither was it intuitive. Henry Cloud gives permission for people to hate, and there's even scripture to back it up. Please read 9 Things for details on what is and what is not appropriate hate and ways to hate.I have a few of his books on my Kindle, yet this has been the first book that I've read by the author. It was the time to read it I suppose. I definitely want to read my other books. He's practical and his advice is right on for me.

True Bible based facts that apply to everyday life. The book provide clear guidelines, and concepts that allows you to remain loyal to you Christian beliefs while pursuing your dreams!

I’m really enjoying this book. Very helpful and informative. Buying secondhand is great too.

I really enjoyed all the practical advice, I know these tools however reading them again in '9 Things you Simply Must Do" motivated me, perhaps it was combining it with a real-life success story. I will certainly read it again!

This book was recommended to me by a friend and it is definitely worth a read. I learned a lot and it kept my interest better than I thought it would.

Awesome book.

Every person should have a copy of this book. Wisdom to live by.