I Thought It Was Just Me (but it isn’t): Telling the Truth about Perfectionism, Inadequacy, and Power

The message in this book is really important. It is research-heavy and it took me a while to finish, but I’m really glad I did. Brené Brown’s research shows that shame affects everyone, and building shame resilience is incredibly important not only for our self-esteem and wellbeing, but also for society as a whole.

I’m not sure why, I’m a huge Brene Brown fan and I recommend her books every chance I get. I read The Gifts of Imperfection first and LOVED it, but for some reason this one was a little harder for me to get through. Still a good read, I just found I wasn’t as excited to pick it back up as I was her other books.

The book came as described and has been a good read. My only disappointment was that the shipping had a window of a few weeks without any tracking. The only UPS notification was 24 hours of delivery with little identification of what was coming. I was unfortunately out of town and it sat on my front steps for 5 days. I wish it had a better tracking opportunity given the wide range of delivery to make it a better purchase experience.

I listened and read in the wrong order, sort of. You may remember that I wrote about my obsession with Brown's chatty  Men, Women and Worthiness: The Experience of Shame and the Power of Being Enough  in January. What I wanted more than anything after that was a deeper dive. Turns out, she wrote one back in 2007, and here it is!The big difference is that this research and book is centered completely on women, however, we know from her more recent research that despite men and women having different shame causes, or despite them looking different on the outside, all shame is the same, so this book really does have good information for anyone willing to identify with the basics.Brown spent six years talking to women, back when men wouldn't admit that addiction, workaholism, rage, isolation, etc are all somewhat shame-based. They told us men didn't have the same issues with shame as women. We now know better (frankly women knew this all along,) but Brown wanted a valid study, so she talked to women. Once any gender overcomes the fear of admitting to shame, all of the information here is just as valid for men as it is for women as it is for someone who doesn't fall into the binary gender categories. The only difference is the examples.Shame shows up everywhere from biggies like addiction and self-injury to perfectionism, anger, and blame. It affects everything from our physical health, self-image to our relationships and ability to feel a part of the community. Those relationships I mention include ones with people as well as money, work, friendships and everything else we relate to.The best parts of this book promise to be the basic information that comforts the reader by giving us the data and a push to brave the fear of shame and let some sunshine in. Sunlight is the antidote to shame. We have to put aside the false bravado to become our truest selves and then, in a perverse twist, can we ultimately fit in.Sadly, this book only illuminates the myriad ways our culture shames women with example after example. Honestly, there are too many examples. I could have done with half the examples. It begins to feel like filler after a while. I was also stunned to hear exactly the same words in the first few chapters and occasionally later in the book that I heard on Men, Women and Shame. It seems to me that even if she wanted to use the same examples, finding different wording would make the whole thing seem less redundant. The sad part is *this* is the better book, but it's completely gender-biased.I truly hope that someone is working very hard on giving us examples and tips for men, especially because even mental health professionals refused to admit that shame could touch men until recently. That alone is just another shaming experience for men, and since we're all in the world together, it would be great if everyone was on the same page.I truly think Brown has hit on a foundational experience for human beings with this groundbreaking shame research and the way she has permeated pop culture with this information. I'm not a massive fan of pop-psychology, but she does it well and keeps it based in the research. And when it comes down to it, her work in shame is the basis for all of the rest of her work in vulnerability, acceptance, and all the other things she's suddenly known for.

Yes, I DID think it was just me! Thank you Brene for giving voice and clarity to those awful shame feelings that have been in my life since I was a kid! Highly recommended reading!

I appreciate that her research was based upon women as it so often is not! However, this book didn't seem appropriate to give to a family member who is a man (as I had intended). It is definitely a book oriented toward women.

I loved listening to the audio version of this book so much that I bought a print version and have started highlighting significant quotes or concepts! Great book! Great author!

This book by Brene Brown is a great resource in overcoming shame and learning to become more shame resilient. This book really helped me out with my personal growth in learning to become more shame resilient. I highly recommend reading this book!

I really wanted to like this cause shame healing is a big theme for me at the minute and I love her Instagram, but I was disappointed in this book. There were some insightful flashes about gender and lower class stereotypes and starting to recognise how you absorb these, but very little practical advice on how to actually heal the damage they do once you realise this. I also found the stories of shame experiences she included very unrealistic; almost all of them were of straight white middle class mothers feeling shame over their housework and being less than super-patient with their kids. She seemed to completely miss the experiences of men, working class people, those who aren’t parents and LGBT people. I think this was perhaps more from inexperience than done deliberately, but it meant the book missed a huge amount of potential; as it is so unrepresentative I feel only a very small number of people will be able to relate to what she is saying. As a gay woman who grew up poor and has no children I certainly couldn’t.

Nothing on the cover or in the blurb states that all the interviewees and examples are women. This book discusses issues that all genders face as if they are exclusive to women and this could end up inducing even more shame in men who buy this to understand how they are feeling. If you are a middle class, Western, religious mother then this book will work wonders for you in terms of self-esteem and combatting feelings of shame. If you are anything else, it will make you feel unwelcome in the conversation. The cover and description should be more explicit about this.

so I bought 3 brene brown books as recommended by a therapist and this was one I was really looking forward to getting into.so I get to it today after finishing one of her other books which was the first ever book I read of hers.. only to find that within a written review included in the book, the word 'woman' popped up and I immediately thought, hang on, is this book aimed at woman then? as its one of those statements that gets you thinkingso I get into the introduction of the book and there was the confirmation, this book is aimed at woman.and it is such a shame cos not only am I now not going to continue to read it, there is nothing on the title or back cover that let's you know its for 'WOMEN'..and I don't think anyone could feel justified reading a book if it only has one specific audience.disappointed.

Disappointing book. I bought this book due to the rave reviews but it was really not what it has been hyped up to be. What I had hoped would be a more academic and philosophical exploration on shame and how it affects us, it read like a stereotypical psudo-psychology book. The stories of real women were the only redeeming feature of this book.Sad that it goes to the charity pile.

I love Brene Brown and how she explains the impact of shame on our lives. The examples she provides helps in my understanding. This book has helped me understand myself better, especially when I am acting out of shame and when others are using shame to control me. It’s also helping me to notice when I use shame to get others to meet my needs.