Married to the Man Who Washed Himself Away: A memoir

A story of how living with someone with ocd can control the whole family’s life. The rituals, the constant fear of not doing the right thing and how it can ruin generations. In the 1950’s it wasn’t talked about or understood and the secrecy and shame must have been so hard to deal with. A fantastic read and very eye opening.

Sad but true …

I would definitely recommend this book. Basically, it's just a book about a womans life. But it just goes to show all the terrible and wonderful things we all have happen to us throughout our lives. Admittedly the writer had some more of the terrible occurrences than most of us would wish for. But it was so well written and gave great incite into the life of a very normal everyday person who had some bad things happen to her.

Loved this book from start to finish, what a lovely story, wasn’t all great for her but she went into such detail about happy and good times, what a sad ending though.

What a sad book, Undiagnosed mental illness and a women unable to walk away from an unhappy marriage, the sixties with all the prejudices of the fifties still in place for the impoverished working classes, certainly not everyone born in the early forties enjoyed the freedom that many of us had born only a few years later.

This book highlights and exemplifies the creativity and strength of women as it truly is. Not the shrill harpy like screetching we get from modern day "feminists". It is a fantastic book of a time gone by and finishes on the modern day. It follows the ups and downs of Joanie a working class girl, a wife and mother. It is warm and heartfelt told with a searing honesty.

I must, first of all, reveal my personal bias, I am a distant relative of the author, as we share a common genetic link, where 'Munna' is my great grand mother. Much of the detail from the wider family has been edited out, so the first part of the book seems a bit threadbare to me. All of them lived within a few streets of each other, and Munna's house in Smeaton Street must have resembled a railway station at times, with people coming and going. Also not mentioned was Munna's connection with the Salvation Army, and some of the rest of the family were also in that organisation, including my mother. My mum knew all of the people in the wider family, having been born and schooled in North Ormesby. WW2 had a massive impact on Teesside, as the port and works were apparently a high profile target for Hitler. Many of the children, including my mother and family, were evacuated for the duration of the War. Many residential buildings were destroyed by bombing. Most of the area in North Ormesby has been redeveloped, and my memories of mid-sixties include the original street layouts complete with trams, so take it from me the place has really changed! My other great-grandmother, Alice Foster , lived in Kings Road, and the three-storey Victorian house which she occupied was converted into a supermarket. The only one of the Burns family I really knew was Millie, and I recall spending a few nights at the house in Darras Walk, Pallister Park at Xmas '67. Three of the sisters, including Millie, were at Evlyn's funeral in 1984. I recall that their facial resemblance was uncanny. I have spent most of my life in the south, where I was born and still live, but the few years my family lived there in the mid sixties, in leafy green Acklam (well it was then!), left a very great impression on me, with the wider family , their occasional parties, and particularly the people I knew at school. Middlesborough is quite a different place now, which, at risk of appearing racist, is a gentle hint that foreign influences were not so obvious in those days, but immigrant communities have been the norm in that area since before Victorian times. As the book develops, Joan reveals the subject of the book, mainly being her husband's OCD and the devastating effect it has on him and their children. Health care and Mental illness was not really cared for in the community before the formation of the NHS in the late forties, and was left to family intervention and the charitable institutions such as the Church and the Salvation Army. Despite the general dysfunction, tragedies and sadness of events as the book proceeds, there is a feeling of optimism throughout which pervades to the last lines, echoing social spirits over the period the book covers. A recommended read....:)

Just a beautifully written memoir by Joan Leech. Sadly during the period of time this book was set, mental illness was ‘hush-hush’ it had a stigma to it, unlike today’s era. Joan describes the life she had to endure having a husband with OCD. The frustration she felt because he could/would not acknowledge that there was anything wrong with him. The highs and lows of raising a family whilst having to cope with a husband who had old fashioned views of men’s and women’s roles.

While this is a story of a husband with chronic OCD, it is also a story of a woman’s marriage marred by untreated mental illness. It is not about treatments for OCD rather about a woman who felt it was her responsibility to stay in an unhealthy relationship, even though she was in conflict as to the impact it had on their children’s emotional wellbeing especially when they were younger.

This book was funny, sad and a real eye opener. It shows how mental illness doesn't just affect the person but in all their relationships as well. Great read!

Good read.

This is a well written memoir. Whew. What a hard life Joan Leech had. I’ve read these hard scrabble tales before. It’s the age old story of women surviving on nothing, having too many children, working from dawn to dusk and married to good-for-nothings. When reading this memoir, I kept wishing that she would just leave her worthless husband, but instead she had more children with him! Yikes. Yes, I suppose he had OCD, but that was only part of his problem. I’m glad she finally got away and found some happiness later in life.

This is an exceptional memoir of family struggles in the face of one member's mental illness. Wonderfully written, funny and sad, and very enlightening.