The Sociopath Next Door

Though it is written in easily understandible forms of "speech", this will continue as probably the most significant litterary work on consciousness and psychological insight into the human condition in the context of group evolution, achievement and survival. Even though the main focus is on sociopathy, it presents a field of diamonds in raising topics relating to impact and importance of psychological expression. The value of this well researched and referenced work is not so much in what is written but in the way it covers an immence field and presents an executive view of thought provoking meaning, even to the importance of genetic survival of sociopathy. It offers objective and very balanced perspectives and as such is of value to lay persons keenly persuing an understanding of the meaning of values or diminished forms thereof to individuals and communities, as well as clinical practitioners that should allways have a quick reference to the big picture plus the bonus of a reference to significant formal studies, research and perspectives on clinical development. Seldom will one see a work so comprehensive in pointers without the fluff and yet so enjoyable to read again and again.

I think this book is essential for every functional adult. It really teaches about this destructive personality disorder present among us, and how those of us with conscience can recognize them before it's too late. Personally, I think this disorder is more prevalent in society than 4%, and believe more people should be diagnosed.

Title: The Sociopath Next DoorAuthor: Dr. Martha Stout, Ph.D.Rating: 4 starsMy ReviewI said I might review a non-fiction tome next and so I have.The Sociopath Next Door was recommended to me by several folks I know. I grew intrigued as they told me about it, partially because I believe myself to be unusually aware of sociopaths as a group (or a mental illness, if you prefer) and partially because I was interested in what a true expert would have to say about them. Generally speaking, I was very impressed and mostly pretty entertained.Let me say before I begin that Dr. Stout is a very highly credentialed and respected psychologist working and instructing at the Department of Psychiatry at the Harvard Medical School. The lady knows her stuff...What I LikedThis is the true story of a psychologist who has become personally frustrated by the damage done to others by one specific group of mentally ill people: sociopaths.To begin, let's clear up what a sociopath is by definition. Lots of people get mental illnesses all mixed up due to popular portrayals or mislabeling by the ill-informed. For example, people use the term "schizophrenic" when they actually mean "multiple personality disorder". (Not similar at all!) The same is often true of sociopathy. They assume it is the same as psychotic, and refers to those individuals so evil that they don't understand right and wrong and are the most extreme of killers...also not always true.What the author points out are two very important things:1.) Sociopathy falls under personality disorders and it boils down to one distinct characteristic - the person has no conscience. He/She knows right from wrong but feels no sense of remorse whatsoever from doing harm to others, and in fact, may derive his/her only real pleasure from harming others; and2.) Sociopaths are much more common than people think.She goes on, using real-life examples (confidential, of course) from her practice that will chill you to the bone. No, not all sociopaths are serial killers, but ALL do harm, few are caught, and most are basically incurable.You can tell as she goes on that this is a manifesto of sorts for her, a "What do we do about this problem?" kind of battle cry. She even addresses the issue of what causes sociopathy, exploring genetic, evolutionary and cultural factors in her attempt to find purchase on the slippery slope for a "cure" to a condition that is both harmful and intractable.And having concluded that, for now at least, we don't have an easy cure, she resigned herself to giving us non-sociopaths the best "warning signs" she can for how to detect and avoid "the relentless".So what do I think? The book is very good. I've read a lot of these science crossover books that attempt to teach non-science buffs about scientific topics, but in an entertaining enough fashion to keep the audience interested. I think she does this well without sensationalizing her topic. To the contrary, rather than focusing on the well-known serial killers, she's focused on the more subtle, camouflaged sociopath that may be damaging you right at this very minute, hence the title.The other reason this book is good is because it is TRUE and we do need to be warned. I have known several sociopaths in my life and have gotten so mixed up by them at times that though I knew something was wrong in my gut, I started to think I was crazy! (This is known as Gaslighting after the old movie.)These individuals are dangerous because they are master manipulators and they DO NOT HAVE A CONSCIENCE. It's true and it's chilling. No matter what they say, how they act, or what you'd like to believe, a sociopath does NOT care about you or anyone else. What's important to understand, Dr. Stout points out, is that this is true even if he/she is a family member or close friend. She tells an important story using just such an example. It hurts when the person realizes it, but the best thing the doctor can recommend is that her patient stay the heck away from him/her!If you don't believe me then you MUST read this book so you can learn for yourself. If you do believe me then you've probably recognized a sociopath in your life along the way whether you knew how to label him/her or not.If you are compassionate, you will feel for this person without the capacity to love and connect with others. But if you are smart you will stay the heck away (repeated for emphasis) because they can't be cured, they won't change, and you don't want to be one of their victims.I recommend this book highly because of her "warning signs" list and details that will teach you how to spot these individuals. She nails the most important one, the "Pity Play," dead freaking CENTER! Because I've known several of these people, I learned to spot and combat the Pity Play, but man, is it hard to ignore.If you would like a sensational version of the sociopath and the Pity Play, take Jody Arias. Now, in choosing her for this example I AM playing armchair psychologist. Perhaps a real doc would say I was wrong, but based on what I've seen, if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck...well, you know. I am going out on a limb identifying her as a sociopath, but it seemed too likely an example to ignore.Jody Arias is all about the Pity Play. She could have pled temporary insanity, but instead she chose to say that her victim had been mistreating her and deserved to be stabbed a bunch of times and shot in the face while in the shower.And now that she's been convicted, she's done media interviews saying she feels betrayed by the jury, even pulling out her "Survivor" t-shirt in defiance of all seemingly normal behavior. She wants us to pity her. What!?!?!In this case the Pity Play seems eye-poppingly bizarre, but she's no doubt been doing this to get out of trouble her whole life. Note the way her own parents don't really defend her. That's because they know...shhhhhh...they know something is wrong with Jody.And that is the shame of it. That some of us are so scared, so greedy (that's how con men get you, many of whom are sociopaths), or so gullible that we are not only taken in, but if we figure it out we keep it secret, allowing the individual to move on to harm others.(I kid you not, in Florida they had to write it into law that no one could fire a teacher or administrator for sexual misconduct and then keep it confidential so that the person might be hired in other districts. THAT'S how much we're afraid to confront misconduct and abuse head-on. We have to force people to report it.)This book will discourage hiding behavior as well. Only by standing up to the behavior of these individuals early can we hope to mitigate their swath of destruction.What Was Just OkThe only drawback to the book? She repeats herself rather dramatically at times, particularly about the fact that sociopaths have no conscience. i think this is because she's afraid you won't believe her enough unless she does, that you won't take precautions. But if you believe her or already know she's right, it will seem like overmuch on the convincing side.Also the science may get dry at times, particularly in the end when she drags a bit through evolutionary theory and the purpose of having a conscience. I love this kind of thing personally due to my Eco/Evo past, but it feels like her personal, more academic musings and may not be for everyone.You could get what you needed from this book by reading the beginning in detaIl, the example stories in detail, and the warning signs in detail. The rest is the science if you want to contemplate larger implications...SummaryIf you don't know what a sociopath is or how to spot one, get this book! If you wanna be creeped out by real life creepiness, get this book. If you already know about sociopaths but want the science or the "warning signs" list, get this book. It's a fast, crazy read, if I may make light of something so dark.

I married a sociopath a few months ago. I thought there was something weird about the way he had a history of hurting others but denying any responsibility. He was so charming to me and pretended to agree with me on pretty much everything, but a few times before the wedding, he became cruel. I blew it off thinking everyone has a bad day sometimes. After the wedding, he escalated into pure monster. He went into angry rages over tiny things several times a day, yelled and called me names, drove recklessly and sometimes ran people off the road, became physically aggressive with me, harassed his co-workers, conned people out of money, "forgot" his wallet EVERY time we went out to eat either alone or with others, and worse. (I don't want to share the x-rated details--but he was just as inconsiderate and cruel there as he was in every other area.) My first clue that something was wrong wasn't because he was being so mean, but was because he always blamed the person he hurt. He verbally attacked at me pretty much non-stop with hateful glaring in between outbursts, but told me I deserved it for getting on his nerves. But the things that were getting on his nerves would never bother normal people--stuff like getting dust on his jacket, (dust that I couldn't even see,) asking to stop to use the bathroom on long car rides, (seven hours with no food or bathroom break,) asking him not to scream at my child, accidentally stepping on the edge of his prized bath mat and getting dirt on it, (must have been invisible dirt,)not being able to read his mind, and more. Sometimes I was screamed at for things that never happened. For example, he had a real fetish about his bath mat and one day went crazy saying I was standing on it. (I definitely wasn't because I'd learned to walk on eggshells to avoid the rages.) He insisted I was on it and I looked down and pointed at my feet showing I was definitely NOT standing on it. He still insisted and I finally gave up and left the room crying with helplessness. Of course, crying really set him off. Every time he drove me to it with his cruel behavior, he'd start screaming at me for crying. I was in a state of fear and shock most of the time. He was insane and there was no hope. I pointed out to him that I didn't treat him that way. I didn't yell, cuss, scream, get in his face, attack him or call him names and he seriously said that's because he never did anything wrong. Actually, I pointed out, it's because healthy people in relationships compromise and don't abuse each other over meaningless things. They discuss the big things and let go of the little stuff. He was intensely cruel--denying me heat on cold days, forcing me and my child to go hungry, changing my cell phone number so friends couldn't find me, putting a keystroke logger on my computer so he could stalk me and get into my accounts, ordering me to give up my friends, etc.... But of course, none of the rules for me applied to him. He had to be right at all costs, even if I could get out a book or web page and show he was not right. He'd scream and go crazy. I finally just let everything go and avoided him as much as possible. He has a way of, (mostly,) avoiding arrest and repercussions, but he definitely has anti-social personality disorder. It took me a while to figure out what was wrong with him and his history of bad behavior, but it slowly came to me. It helped that our therapist saw him in action and validated my theories. This book further validated what I'd realized and helped me get past the abuse. I left the guy after 6 weeks, and even that was too long, but I don't feel bad. I wasn't a person to him. No one is. It wasn't personal; it was just a monster with no conscience using me just like he used everyone else. I can't wait until my divorce is final and I'm intellectually armed now, so I will recognize any other sociopaths that try to charm me!One part I really liked about this book was the section discussing how sociopaths in clubs will often charm a couple people to protect themselves. My sociopath had those people. No matter how crazy he acted with me or other people, (I have since received condolence letters from multiple women who experienced the terror before me,) he would impress his cover people at all costs. These two women have zero idea that they are a front for a sociopath. When he acts insane, he swears it isn't him because so-and-so is his good friend and can vouch for him. I had noticed this on my own, but reading about the phenomenon in the book again validated what I was noticing on my own.Bottom line: if something feels really wrong about your relationship with someone--it IS really wrong.