The Curse of the Good Girl: Raising Authentic Girls with Courage and Confidence Paperback – August 31, 2010

I bought this book a while back. Maybe from Amazon, but most likely from Barnes and Noble. Either way, it doesn't matter. I have been a non-tradition Girl Scout leader for 6 years now. I originally bought this book for my daughter, but she's fine. She doesn't need it, as she has grown up being assertive. As my girls are getting older, I'm getting more and more concerned about their timidness. So I have unshelved this book. All of our girls have attended the same private school together. Where they were taught manners and perfect behavior. They are the perfect little smiling, well-behaved girls who are about to enter public school. I am seriously terrified. The protective bubble their parents and the school have kept them in is going to burst. I have known these girls half their lives. Many of my girls have moved from this private school to public school and are doing great. Including mine. When someone tries to bully my daughter she just gives them a look and they walk away. For years that private school tried to get me to break my daughter down and put her into the perfect private school ideal of how girls should act. I am so glad I didn't. My daughter is strong, confident, and is crushing 7th grade. The reason I'm writing this review is, that now I have three girls I'm seriously concerned about. All three are going to enter 9th grade in public school. They are not at all prepared for this.Yes, all kids should be taught manners and how to properly behave around adults. But we are not taking into effect how girls and women are treated in the outside world. Sometimes it's okay to not be a nice girl. Girls that are too nice often find themselves in compromising situations that they don't know how to address because their parents haven't taught them that it's okay to sometimes be a jerk. I need these girls to find their voice. Because of this current situation, I think this book is a must-read for parents who have daughters. It's not just about the girls, it's also about the parent's insecurities and how it affects their daughters. My GS's have eating disorders, anxieties, helicopter parenting. I really want to buy this book for those girl's parents. But it may be too late. We need implosion therapy. I'm at a loss. If anyone has any ideas, please leave me a comment.

I felt like this book explained my growing up psychology in clear terms I could understand. It is fantastic! I read it in anticipation of having my own daughter (now two months old), but it also turned out to be super helpful to me! I first got it from the library, but found it so insightful and useful that I had to get my own copy. The first have analyzes and explains, and the second half is practical with lots of exercises.I would also HIGHLY recommend this for school counselors and teachers of all grades. There are useful exercises that you could copy and use with students individually who are having a difficult time in relationships or expressing themselves. I’m so glad I found this book. My dad, a school counselor for over 25 years, found the ideas quite helpful, and my mom even started a book club with this book after I told her about it!

This book was very well done! Another great book by Rachel. As a mother of girls and therapist of teens, this book gives evidence of the "curse of the good girl" and provides opportunities for how to address said curse. Loved reading!

I have been reading this book for several months. I keep finding new truths that remind me of my personal journey, through self exploration and through life. Most exceptional, is how much of what this author speaks of that can be applied to SO many women- women I know, women I'm related to, women with whom I work, women whose work I've read, women I treat as patients. I feel that most all women of this time and place could find something relatable in this discussion.The book is an exploration of the complicated messages girls are receiving from society, from their families, from their teachers and from their friends. To be a "good girl", we must honor others' feelings before our own, diminish our grievances to avoid conflicts, avoid confrontation so as not to seem mean spirited, and thus promote dishonesty with each other and with ourselves.This of course, leads to a suffocating mix of avoidance and frustration in personal relationships, as well as in professional spheres. How many of us have trembled at the idea of saying "That's not right/fair" or "I'm worth more than that" at work? I know I have. Or in relationships, how many of us cry unabashedly at the first sign of a disagreement, thus negating any rationale resolution or productive further discussion?This author works with girls in leadership workshops that help young women develop their voice and learn ways to communicate that voice more effectively. They learn to develop healthy egos that allow for open communication of their needs/desires/opinions/feelings within all relationships.What an extraordinary concept! That our families of origin, even those who were nuturing, were also leading us to some pretty toxic behavior. This prevents us from having the confidence and courage to discover who we are and what we want out of life. It does not admonish rule following- instead it offers suggestions for learning to deal with the natural disappointments of life and for finding our own way rather than following only what society proffers.The practical discussion in the book could most aptly be used by a mother, but I found the discussion to be worthy of self reflection. How many of us, before we raise a girl, need to raise the girl within that may be stagnating in some of these repressive thought patterns?

This is an excellent book for mothers of daughters. It's also a great book for anyone who wants to understand the girls and women in their lives--at least those of us who are bound by the idea of our success and worth in the world is contingent on being "good." Highly recommended--gives great information, examples, and actionable advice. A rare parenting book that is chock full of info and not 3x as long as it needed to be to make the point.

AWESOME

This is one insightful book and there are definitely some good advices in it, but to me it terribly lacked depth and carried an overly simplistic view on the issue, I wonder too why in a book intended to help raising authentic confident and brave girls there's not a single chapter about fathers; believe it or not, some fathers do want to get involved, do want to know what it is they're doing wrong, and are responsible for some false ideas and assumptions girls develop. The book argues that the "Good Girl" myth drives girls to constantly seek perfection and since no one's perfect obviously they're bound to fail, what message would any girl(mother to be) get when she opens a book about raising girls and she realizes its main focus are the mothers only ?I also kinda got the sense that the book was kinda promoting the "chill girl" ideal that's nowadays so widespread and has no other aim but making their male partners lives easier. I bought this book because I wanted some insights on how to perpetuate the importance of authenticity and realness to a young one with actions instead of words, how to teach a "Good Girl" that she can still be and feel free when she is loved ? That having an allergy to commitment and feeling trapped is not a label for "bad" but an emotion as any ? Our generation has been lied to about freedom and I feel like nothing has changed for the generations to be. What I got from the book is really light, I feel like it missed out on the core values of authenticity, self-respect and truthfulness to oneself.

I can't believe how on target Rachel Simmons is. I lead a girl scout group in Zurich and will be introducing the concepts of this book to the girls throughout the coming year and recommending all of the parents to buy this book. Building emotional intelligence is crucial to raising great kids. I wish I had known the things in the book when I was a preteen/teen.

I am half way through this book now, I had to skip quite a lot of the repetitive examples when the author has put in conversations with her girls. Of course it is very American and some of the language is lightweight BUT have a highlighter to hand as you read through and you will be surprised at the hidden gems inside the fluff. I am 51 now and have slowly realised after 35 years of working that I have made no progression in my life and career because I was totally programmed to be a good girl. I was told it was good manners to let other people be first, I had to give up my seat to the stranger on the bus, let my classmates win at sport, let my sister have first choice in everything and be happy to have her clothes after she had outgrown them. At work I was used to train other people up who then were promoted over me, using my knowledge and guidance. So I'm going to fully recommend this book to anyone like me - and I hope that you too find something in here that will let you move away from being 'user-friendly' for every one else to being 'me-friendly' for your own peace of mind. Good luck everyone........