Games People Play

Though this book was written decades ago, it's easily relatable to current times. Many may consider this pop or pseudo-psychology now, I still believe its content is relevant. In my opinion, the author wrote from a position of the reader having at least a general understanding of psychology and psychiatry, which he has stated in the book. So, because I have this understanding, I don't have much difficulty with this theory. There are times when the author mentions something that warrants me to either reread a previous section to gain clarity or to be patient for the author to provide clarity in an upcoming section. I felt the first half of the book was a lackluster read, but it's important to stick with it and understand it prior to moving forward. I was recommended this book by my mother, who was exposed to it when it was published, which helped her improve her interactions with others. I appreciate the recommendation because I am also experiencing the benefits. Therefore, I also recommend this book to others.

This is one of the best books you can read in order to handle people who seem to drain your energy. Games are forms of dishonest communication. For instance, there is someone who always complains about their job or their relationship. Whatever advice you give is dismissed as unfeasible. The point is that complaining to you is an excuse to talk to you, not really an effort to elicit your advise. And the complaining allows the person to interact with you without having to reveal anything personal about themselves, without having to expose themselves emotionally to you. This book has one or two page scenarios with tactics on how to counter the game. In the example above it probably advises to stop offering in an attempt to fix their situation. The examples are described in such simple and humorous language, you will laugh (or cringe with a bit of embarrassment) as you recognize others or yourself as having played certain games. And you will recall specific games or variations of games almost instantly when they occur. You end up putting a stop to other peoples games and have a harder time playing games of your own with a straight face after reading this book. And that is Eric Berne's approach to psychology--psychological break throughs are not about having a revelatory experience after 7 years of talking about yourself and you unconscious motives. Instead, it is all about understanding and recognizing surface patterns of unhealthy behavior and interactions. And the recognition is not like seeing God come out of the sky, it just becoming aware of the fact that a fly has been buzzing around the room, swatting it, and throwing it in the trash so that you can go back to talking to someone or finishing whatever you were working on. This book is a classic in its genre, it's very informative with actionable advice, enticingly easy to read, and very highly recommended. I've bought copies to give out to friends when they are in unhealthy situations and relationships.

_Games People Play_ by Eric Berne is a layman-accessible book on psychology chiefly concerned with the concept of game playing, one I found quite interesting. At its most fundamental level, humans according to Berne seek what he terms a "stroke," just as infants require actual stroking (whether it be literal stroking, a pat on the head, or a hug) to develop healthy in a psychological sense (and to maintain that health), adults require a "stroke" as well (which he defines as the fundamental unit of social action). An exchange of strokes is a transaction, which is the unit of social intercourse. Such an exchange might be as little as a very simple greeting or something far more elaborate. Adults have a hunger not only for stimulus and recognition but also for structure of their waking hours. Most of a person's time is structured by an activity (i.e. "work"), governed by rules called procedures (such as how to bake a cake or fly a plane). Other parts are governed by a person's social programming, which results in ritualistic and semi-ritualistic interchanges with other people, often falling other the general name of "good manners" (examples include generic work greetings and brief conversations about the weather or health). Berne terms semi-ritualistic topical conservations as pastimes, such as cocktail party conversations on cars, bad husbands, or finances. A person's individual programming results in what he terms games. Games are not necessarily "fun" and can be quite grim or serious (as in Berne's book alcoholism falls under game playing). In the end the author wrote that ultimately true intimacy - where social patterning and ulterior motivations give way - is more desirable than either a pastime or a game (both of which are substitutes). Key to structural analysis and an understanding of game play is the concept of the ego state. An ego state is a coherent set of feelings and behavior patterns in an individual, all interrelated. Each person has three such ego states, the exteropsychic or Parent ego state, the individual's parental instincts and experiences and vital to enable one to raise actual children and a state that makes many responses in life automatic, freeing one from the burden of innumerable trivial decisions ; the psychic or Adult state, directed towards an autonomous, objective appraisal and handling of reality, the state most needed for survival; and the archaeopsychic or Child state, representing archaic behavioral patterns fixed in early childhood, where in a person resides "intuition, creativity, and spontaneous drive and enjoyment," (the author rejects the term childish as negative and prejudicial). Getting back to the concept of transaction, Berne writes that simple transactional analysis is concerned with determining which ego state provided transactional stimulus and which state responded in a given situation. Transactions may be complimentary, such as Child-Parent interaction, where a fevered child asks for a glass from a nurturing mother; these transactions are expected and are part of natural, healthy human relationships. However, a crossed transaction occurs in which the stimulus is one group of ego-states (such as Adult-Adult, when one asks another for instance where one's keys are) and the appropriate response within that set of ego states (such as Adult-Adult answer on the desk) is not given, but instead the response of another ego state (a Child response might be you always blame me for losing your keys). Crossed transactions may not always be obvious, and these ulterior transactions are the basis for games and the primary subject of this book. Ulterior transactions involve the activity of more than two ego states simultaneously and may be of two main types. Angular transactions involve three ego states, and while ostensibly, on the social level, may be directed between two particular ego states (such as say Adult-Adult), really the ulterior or psychological vector is at another ego state (such as say perhaps a social Adult stimulus designed to and provoking a Child response). A duplex ulterior transaction involves four ego states (such as in flirting; on the surface it might appear Adult-Adult but in reality is Child-Child); most games are of this type of transaction. Games, which he distinguishes from superficially similar procedures, rituals, and pastimes, are sets of complimentary ulterior transactions that progress to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Games are inherently dishonest (by definition procedures, rituals, and pastimes are candid) and the sought payoff is dramatic, often negative for one of the parties involved. The bulk of the book is detailed with classifying and discussing a number of games. Dividing games into seven categories (Life, Marital, Party, Sexual, Underworld, Consulting Room, and Good), he discusses the structure of these games, the roles involved, the sought after payoff, as well as the antithesis of a game, how to recognize and move beyond or end a game. An example is the first game he discusses, that of Alcoholic (which by the way can involve other substances). The central thesis of this game could be written as look how bad I have been and see if you can stop me and the aim, the payoff, is self-castigation. For this game to be played, it requires of course the Alcoholic, as well the Persecutor (the chief supporting role), the Rescuer, and the Patsy (an enabler in some sense). The Social paradigm is Adult-Adult, but in reality the game's Psychological paradigm is Parent-Child. The antithesis is difficult, but in essence involves the therapist moving away from any of the established roles of Persecutor or Rescuer and refusing to play the game. A great many games are discussed in the book, some I found a bit hard to accept, others I readily recognized in my daily life. Most of them were quite sad and negative, particularly ones like Kick Me, See What You Made Me Do, and Frigid Woman, though a very few were constructive and beneficial to society, like Happy To Help and Cavalier. Somewhat chilling to think much of human social interaction if game play, after reading this I don't want to play games!

Gave to a friend

A entrega demorou bem mais que o prazo iincial dado, que foi estendido. Chegou com algumas marcas de desgaste na capa, como se fosse um ivro usado.

It will take multiple readings to truly comprehend the book. The language is bit complicated. The book is deeply intertwined so as you proceed with reading remember the learnings of the previous chapters. Concepts may seem vague, perplexing but it will make sense, ultimately. This book will drive extreme opinions from readers, overwhelming majority will either like it & agree or dislike & disagree. It is my humble request to fellow readers to please keep your opinions to yourself and don't unnecessarily put them here in reviews. Let future readers enjoy the book without any bias. Happy Reading. The pages and print quality of the book is good.

Il libro è molto interessante, siamo intrisi nei nostri giochi e spesso non ci rendiamo conto di quali sono le dinamiche che ci girano attorno. Ma questo è, come dice l'autore all'inizio, un libro per smettere giocare nel caso in cui finiamo dentro a una di queste situazioni che sono energivore per chi le subisce. A me ha aiutato e mi ha aiutato anche a capire chi ho intorno. Chi fa i giochi talvolta non se ne rende conto, metterli di fronte ai fatti è una doccia di realtà. Raccomandato!

Lecture