How to Talk So Teens Will Listen and Listen So Teens Will Talk

Difficult time for kids at that age group & a scary time for parents who want open communication to help get one another thru it!! It is possible & a great tool to see things from another perspective. It’s a first of its kind to have a means to understand EACH ONES viewpoints without clashing all the time & feeling heard!! Wish this was around in those difficult teen years & give it as a gift to anyone who is struggling as a parent! I’m very Blessed that my girls are healthy, happy & involved Great Mom’s in their kids lives!!

I love all the Faber/Mazlish books and think they are essential basic reading for everyone, but especially parents. If you have the time and patience, I recommend starting with their first book, Liberated Parents/Children Your Guide to a Happier Family. It delves into the thought process behind this approach to parenting in a semi-entertaining way. Having this background makes it much easier to practice the skills taught more thoroughly in the "How to Talk" books and the "Siblings without Rivalry" book. The Liberated Parents & Siblings books are told in a story form approach, making them more interesting and heart-warming. How to Talk cuts straight to the heart of the matter to teach skills both by explanation and example. All are good, start with whichever you feel you need most. I have 9, 12, and 14 year olds, and every time I find myself frustrated I realize I've deviated from these parenting skills. Returning to them fixes the situation more often than not. It's amazing how much better of a parent I am with this approach, which doesn't come naturally to me. I fall off the wagon all the time, but am so glad to have this to come back to when we're having challenges. Thank you to these wonderful authors!

So I'm not knocking the authors here...this book is compassionate and intelligent and the overall ideology is very sound and it's probably my fault for not considering the publishing date (2005). It recommends things like regulating our own emotional responses to our teens behaviors, teaching them to identify and regulate their feelings, and working together to seek solutions to everyday conflicts, which is all applicable and helpful. However, the language and examples given reflect a different generation of both parents and kids. Things that drove MY parents crazy (like my rock 'n roll music being too loud) aren't problems for me at all, and the complex issues modern parents and teens now face (social media interaction and regulation, post-pandemic mental health concerns, anxiety over political and social differences) are, of course, not discussed yet. As a Gen X parent of a Gen Z teen, I respect and appreciate the ideas behind this book but just don't find them applicable in this era. I would love an updated version!

I loved the advice that this book provides for parents. The drawings/cartoons are nice too because they helped me imagine possible scenarios. I recommend this book for any parent who has even occasional and/or moderate conflict w a teenage child. I used some of the strategies with my 18 year old boy—for example, I just listened and said “mmm” or “sounds rough” and refrained from giving him advice when he was complaining about something. At the end of the conversation he actually thanked me and said it felt good to talk with me!!

I'm a Child and Adolescent Psychiatrist and this is the #1 book I recommend FIRST to all families that are struggling with typical teenage issues. Good parents have a tendency to try to fix or reassure and this is counterproductive to success with a teen. Mediocre parents tend to order and condemn and this is simply a miserable way to exist. Learning better communication skills is win-win, everyone is happier, the kids individuate better and are actually more likely to make good choices. Also, useful to handling your spouse, boss, co-workers, etc. as these are solid active communication skills that all people should utilize. This is an improvement from the original in that it is a bit streamlined and targeted more to teens. Appreciate this update though I loved the classic and used it to raise my own (now grown) kids.

We want to be successful with our teens, a hard time of life, lots of pressure for children and youth. There are wonderful illustrations of good ways to encourage us to know when, and most importantly how to be present and a safe space for teens to come to us. In some ways it helps them and us figure out what the underlying issue is and they begin to see for themselves a new way of thinking about whatever "it" is. There are wonderful examples of words and pharases that make good sense to create a give and take conversation. Love these books use them with my volunteers working with children in schools. Use this way in my life, much easier! When teens learn this way through being treated this way, their life changes too. We learn from them, one hopes we can be a terrific sounding board for them and a good idea to them, as a place to go.

Agréable découverte d'Adèle Faber qui nous vient du Canada. Le livre nous plonge au milieu d'un groupe de travail, ce qui lui donne un caractère très pratique. Il est accompagné de planches de bd de mise en situation afin d'expliquer le comportement que les parents adoptent en général et celui qu'il faudrait adopter. Il y a en fait beaucoup de choses logiques dans cet ouvrage, mais auxquels nous ne pensons pas forcement. Nous avons tendance à vouloir absolument "gouverner" nos enfants en pensant en même temps les protéger, alors que nos ados, qui sont en train de se transformer, ont essentiellement besoin qu'on les écoute et qu'on leur parle comme l'on parlerait à un jeune adulte, plutôt que leur imposer des directives sans explication et d'un ton pas toujours aimable. C'est un must have, que l'on doit garder en permanence sur sa table de chevet. Le livre est en anglais, mais assez digeste. Pas de difficulté particulière pour le comprendre.

I bought this book to help me understand and communicate with my 15 year old son. Our conversations can be a bit tense and I wanted to have less confrontational interactions. It's not a magic wand but it does give some really practical advice and has helped me understand a bit better how he thinks. Very user friendly so will definitely keep referring it in the future. Highly recommend it to any parent trying to achieve more productive and peaceful interactions with their teenager(s)!

Nice guide in dealing with my teen

That is an excellent book . A very useful guide to use everytime we need it.The cartoons are a tool to express something quick and easy. I truly recommend it.

An excellent book to guide parents in the raising of their teens. Easy to read, with practical ideas and examples throughout!