Toxic Mom Toolkit: Discovering a Happy Life Despite Toxic Parenting

This book was my first shocking introduction into what really "happened" to me while I was growing up. I had a mother who on the outside was caring, capable, loving, smart and happy, and I worshiped her when I was little! But when nobody else was around, she was different: critical, shaming, dishonest, controlling and emotionally abusive. Well, thank goodness for Rayne Wolfe, she wrote this amazing book about the jaw-dropping things that happened to her growing up, and she also shares the stories of others who were raised by what I can only describe as 'monsters.' We have all grown up now and turned out okay, but people have no idea what we went through, even our close friends and sometime our own siblings. They aren't quite ready to hear our stories, believe us, and validate us. And most of us wrestle with when and how to cut off all contact with these toxic parents. Rayne's book gets that whole dialogue going, and inspires us to share our own experiences of growing up with blame, shame, rage, control, manipulation, neglect and hate. She shows how to begin to heal. She has a very sweet and nurturing -- and funny -- way of discussing this sensitive subject, beautifully done with interwoven stories. It doesn't feel like a typical self-help book, although it does contain actual tools one can use to help with recovery. It helped me tremendously with understanding exactly what happened to me and what I can do about it. A must-read for anybody, especially women, who struggles with their feelings about their toxic mother.

This book has helped me so much. It clarified parts of my relationship with my mother so I can now see and understand the dynamics involved in our relationship. When you grow up with dysfunction it can be difficult to understand that it is not normal, my mother used to say that everyone has dysfunctional families, that I just couldn't see it cause they hid it. This book has helped me see that while others have had it worse than me, it doesn't change that the disfunction is real, it likely won't change and that it is OK to make decisions from that place of knowledge. Thank you for writing such a powerful book.

This book was such an eye opener for me. Although my parent was not an alcoholic as Rayne's was, I answered yes to all but one of those questions in one of her tests. Your mother doesn't have to be a drinker to be toxic to you, toxic to your self esteem, toxic to your well being and toxic to your happiness. There is something in this treasure of insight that was very healing to me. I realized I did not have to hand my mother the ammunition and line up in her sights. I hope that Rayne Wolfe knows how many daughters she is helping with this book. Even after four years of therapy, I was vulnerable to this horrible relationship. As I read this book, I was so envious of those, who, like Rayne totally cut their mother out of their lives. I could not begin to describe the feelings when I considered doing that very thing. It was as if I was peering at a life away from the prison of hateful demeaning rhetoric that has been such a part of my life. I took my life back, and although my mother is eighty two I limit how much a speak to her. I am much healthier without her nasty 'voice in my head.' As I looked at the picture of Rayne Wolfe I saw the pain in her eyes. You will never regret buying this book. It is a life saver.

While I wish wholeheartedly there was no such thing as Toxic Parenting, I know firsthand that it is real and am therefore profoundly grateful for this resource. Rayne Wolfe provides empathy, validation and perspective along with useful information to help readers build more positive lives and make the best out of a bad situation. Kudos to the author and participants for bravely sharing their stories, there are some heart-breaking bits in here but the core message is one of empowerment and encouragement. It helped me and I highly recommend it.

Rayne Wolfe found a way to talk about very difficult subjects without judgement, without persecution and helped someone like me, who grew up in a very toxic environment, learn to love myself a little more, helped me accept who I am and helped me move forward. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who needs to move forward and be healthy, with boundaries and self love.

I bought this book and read it in one day....I was captivated from the first page....someone who had walked where I walked with a toxic mother.....The writing is excellent...I love how she intersperses her own memoir with stories of other victims....brilliantly done, and a nice “pause”....I underlined so many passages of exact things I had heard from my own mother’s mouth that other’s have heard too...The best part is the FB book that the author runs...I am SOOOOO not alone and neither are you. You didn’t imagine a bad childhood....So much healing here!

Rayne is a kind soul and it shines through her writing. She tells her story beautifully, and she's never bitter or angry. She uses other women's story- some of which were so much like my own it's uncanny! You feel like a sister to these ladies. She gives helpful useful tips on growing past toxic narcissistic parenting. And gives you the ok to be yourself- something toxic families never give you the ok to do.

If you're a daughter of a mother who left you feeling injured, then this book is for you. It's hard to read except in little pieces because of the emotion it stirs up but we'll worth sticking with it. I felt validated after all these years of thinking it was me who was "difficult" or unloveable. It boosted my personal power and gave me a sense of peace.

In the past few years I've been reading everything I can to gain an explanation of why my mother couldn't love me...blaming myself, I stopped a long time ago, but even after trying to get her to stop her games by drawing to her attention her behaviour, still she would start with the the control dramas which consisted of all four of those behaviours. This book, for me, gave further insight into other women's childhoods and although it was disturbing it was comforting being able to relate on some level to each of the women described in the book. Some of the stories more than others. Rayne shares her personal story as well and I think her story touched me the most. It's a worthwhile read if you are looking for comfort on your road to healing. There's a strength knowing you're not alone.

There are far too many people in this world who cannot fathom...and even flat-out deny that a mother could possibly be evil, cruel or emotionally absent/abusive to her own children. Any time light (truth) is shed onto the darkness of these sinister and cruel offenses, there is an awakening in the souls of those perpetrated against. It brings with it validation, awareness and helps to break down the walls of insecurity, self-doubt and isolation. It provides endless opportunities for growth. Rayne Wolfe has accomplished this beautifully in this book by telling the unimaginable truths of her own upbringing at the hands of toxic mothers, and by welcoming and permitting others to tell theirs, too. Her willingness to share these memoirs, thoughts and feelings is nothing short of courageous - and her courage is contagious.I truly identified with so many of Rayne's experiences (Memoirs), and with those of other women (Voices) that I caught myself reading with my mouth agape many, many times, nodding my head in agreement, crying for her and for the other ladies and for myself too, of course. I burst into laughter many times, too at the absurdity of some of the behaviours of toxic mothers and the absolutely perfect Chapter titles; Chapter 20: The Borg Network: Resistance is Futile, Chapter 21: Dreams of Reconciliation: Dream on!For many children of toxic mothers, life is as though living in a bubble with a one-way skin on it: all of her insults, hurtful actions, degradations can get IN (with no way out) and they stay in the bubble with us - swirling around and in and through us. We are forced to internalize all of her lies. We are forced to feel as horrible as she believes we are. We are isolated and alone and cannot ever tell another soul (who'd believe it anyway?). This book provides the tools (awareness, knowledge, actions) that enable us to pop that bubble, get rid of all the damaging garbage that mother has heaped upon us, and plant seeds for a new 'garden'. Rayne provides an array of 'tools' that can be used in many ways in our paths to recovery. I love that Rayne is completely non-judgmental. She does not say that things must be done a certain way - or else. She equips the reader with the tools, makes gentle suggestions for how to use them, and yet gives permission for everyone to move in the direction they feel they need to move in.There is no right or wrong way. She respects that we are all unique and we need to find ways that work - for each of us individually.When it comes to surviving toxic mothering...Rayne "gets it".

I had been trying to come to terms with some of the things that happened when i was a child and wondering why i couldn't move on. It took until my 50's to find out that most children DON'T have mothers like mine and don't have issues about it at my age. When i found Rayne, her Facebook page and this book I could not believe it, it really was a case of IT"S NOT YOU IT'S HER. If you aren't sure why memories are coming back to haunt you or why you feel a little more broken than you should, read this book, it is fantastic, awe inspiring and a real friend. Easy to read.... and quote from! It really does help, I promise, no matter how late you realise you do have people on your side who have been through it all the same as you. Thank you Rayne.... your bravery in writing this book has helped so many.

Great book for anyone with a toxic mom!

Thank-you Rayne! Thanks to all the "voices" that shared their stories. I highly recommend this book! I know I will be suggesting it to several people in my inner circle and reading it over and over!

good book!

Rayne has written a marvelous book with lots of tools on how to deal with toxic mothers. How to recognize a toxic mom. How to keep her on a distance. How to get on with your life. I highly recommend this if you are struggling, and don't know how to approach the subject. Rayne also has a wonderful website (on facebook Toxic Mom Toolkit) and has written many articles on 8 Women Dream. I can tell you she has changed my life. 2 years ago I was totally lost. Now I am on the right track, with a big smile. Rayne also takes the time to answer anyone who has queries. It's amazing the amount of energy she puts in her project. She deserves a medal for the courage of speaking up on this difficult subject. Because mothers are still sacred in this society. It can never be as bad as you claim it to be. Yeah...