How to Talk to Your Cat About Gun Safety: And Abstinence, Drugs, Satanism, and Other Dangers That Threaten Their Nine Lives

Super funny book!

Gifted to a friend, He loved it

Let me just start by extending my utmost gratitude and appreciation to the author of this book. For years I watched in horror as my cat made decision after reckless decision, wasting eight of his precious God given lives. A tale as old as time...His first life was lost to marijuana poisoning. Second and third, sacrificial satanic rituals gone awry. Fourth life lost after a pistol misfire during a wild western style dual with the neighbor’s cat...(and don’t even get me started on the neighbor’s cat!) In his fifth life he hussled too hard. That one is particularly difficult for me to talk about without triggering a series of violent emotional fits, my apologies. During his sixth life he dabbled purr-fusely as an esteemed purr-fessional gigalo, falling victim to a wicked transmitted disease (Looking at you, neighbor’s cat!!!), the likes of which modern medicine has yet to find a cure. Much to my dismay, both his seventh AND eighth lives were spent smuggling weapons (and catnip) across the Canadian border. My cat, an arms dealer? And smuggling the “purr-p nip” illegals?! I’d just about had it, friends. One day shortly after he’d entered his ninth life, I noticed he’d checked out a book on Satanism from our local library. I’d also witnessed him making soft eyes at the neighbor’s cat. "NOT AGAIN" I thought, “NOT THIS TIME AROUND.” Fearful of what would happen if I didn’t intervene, I began to research diligently for any applicable preventative guidance that might be available to the public. I was determined to secure the purity and safety of my dear cat during his final curtain call in this malicious world! By chance, I stumbled upon this glorious and assistive owners guide. It has more than just your average, run of the mill tips and tricks. It provided my wounded heart and weary spirit with a roadmap to facilitating positive change. In it I found a fresh perspective and countless renewed approaches for talking openly with my cat, sans hesitation. We discussed the errs of recklessness with calculated purr-pose. Sure, we were both hesitant at first... cautious, slightly flustered and embarrassed. Despite the temporary social discomfort this book paved way for opportunity in developing an unfiltered bond of trust between the two of us. We collaborated. We discussed our feelings and experiences. We enlightened each other with the gift of perspective from our own personal lens. My cat now lives each day to the absolute fullest. He helps out around the house, folds laundry, and even makes dinner one night a week. He studied and invested in the stock market, finding a decent amount of success therein. He hasn’t stolen my car or any petty cash from my purse to this date and has yet to watch a single R rated film, insisting he has no desire to ever do so (the only exception being the Wolf of Wall Street). As an additional bonus he managed to convert the neighbor’s cat to Christianity, both of them swearing scout’s honor to a life of respectable celibacy! He also practices mindfulness, meditation and gratitude in hopes to one day land among the monks. Friends, I can now proudly declare that my cat has turned over many a new leaf! He is a positive and astute influence for all, a jovial saint, a blessing with fur—and it’s all thanks to this book! If you can relate in any way to the troubles and tribulations outlined in this review and are for some reason still on the fence about purchasing this book, allow me put your indecision to bed. You will not regret this investment in the slightest. Even if you don’t personally own a cat but know someone that does, buy it. It’s worth every penny to secure this credible, top-drawer reference guide! Educate yourself and everyone you know for the greater good. Don’t wait for your cat to lose another of their nine lives, buy today! Knowledge is power and safety is key, click “buy it now” and grateful you’ll be. All the stars!

Hilarious

I couldn't resist and thos book didn't disappoint such a fun gift for any cat parent but my cat daddy loved it!

My cat has read it and says it’s great for life tips and tricks.

The author is super creative. I didn't expect this to be a whole book but enjoyed every single page.

My cats have been much more responsible after i read them this. They're going to church, being safe when handling firearms, and even choosing abstinence 10/10

The back of the book is crumpled and I can see scratches too. This was suppose to be gift for someone but the quality of this book received is really poor :(

Ich hab das Buch als Geschenk gekauft und musste aber selber einige Seiten durchlesen. Der etwas derbere Humor ist nicht für jeden Katzenfreund, aber mir hat das Buch sowie den Beschenkten total gefallen.

Nice

Satirical. Read this with a sense of humour. Not to be taken seriously at all. This book is a wonderful satirical view of the modern world, it is quite USA-centric in the language and references, but can equally be enjoyed by those of us on this side of the Atlantic. Covers all the bases, and ridicules the state of society today. By using cats, instead of humans, as the subject matter, it further emphasises the ridiculousness of the modern world without offending people (too much). A good holiday read, the title alone is what encouraged the purchase, and I couldn't put it down until I had finished it. Which is rare for someone with ADHD who gets distracted by all of a sudden having the urge to empty the crumb tray of a toaster, or the lint catcher on a dryer. I didn't even feel the urge to sharpen the kitchen knives and tighten the screw-on handles of the pots and pans while cooking lunch. A great read. If you have a sense of humour.

If you want your cat to have even the slightest chance of surviving in the modern world and be prepared of how it's changing, this is the book for you. It contain so much more than just gun safety, and it is crucial that your cat get this information. One of my cats fall asleep while reading it to them tho, so I'm not sure he will be sufficiently prepared for the eventual collapse of civilization.